המייל שלא אשלח

 בחמישי בערב קיבלתי מייל שמבשר לי על עוד תלונה שהוגשה נגדי. הפעם, התלונה נעצרה אצל L, שהורתה לדחות אותה ווידאה שהיא לא תעבור הלאה, אל מנהל המכון. שוב, הזמינו אותי לפגישה לא רשמית. הם לא נתנו לי שום פרטים, ככה שאני עדיין לא יודעת מה התלונה הפעם. 

בנתיים לא עניתי למייל, ואני לא בטוחה שאענה. אנטישמיות צריכים לפתור בדרכים רשמיות, ולא להמשיך להחביא אותה. ובכל מקרה, נראה שהמקרה הזה רק יזרז את ההעברה שלי לאוניברסיטה.

אז כתבתי לו מייל תגובה, למרות שאני יודעת שעדיף לא להגיב. אני חייבת להתאפק ולתת את המכה רק כשאהיה במקום בו הם לא יוכלו לפגוע בי. L כבר פועלת לזירוז התהליך ואני סופרת את הימים (שבועות? חודשים?) עד שזה יושלם.

אז הנה מה שכתבתי (M מסמן מכון)

I am writing this email to you, but I refer to many people within M—you have failed!

For so many months, I have been begging for your help, flagging antisemitism again and again. And you—not only did you ignore my cries for help, but you also legitimized this behavior under the excuse of “freedom of speech.”
During all these months, not even one person stood up for me!
Instead, there is a Director General who believes me to be “too young to be hurt” and isolates me by threatening my supervisor so she would not support me. This director refused removing antisemitic posts that link to my personal contact information and state that I am supporting genocide, and accuse me of scientific misconduct.
There is a Deputy Director who addressed me as if I were less human than her, dismissing my requests and ignoring my emails.
There is you, who pretended that nothing was happening just to be liked by those above you. You, who wanted me to confront alone a person attacking me on social media and at the institute—while she was supported by her supervisor.
And, of course, there are five senior scientists who believe themselves to be ethical. The five Ethics Committee members accepted a complaint based on the statement:

“The author explores various potential sources, but statements like ‘ 

[Gaza] government misuse of aid’ and ‘past and present [Gaza]

governance issues,’ written by an Israeli national, must be

well-substantiated to avoid reflecting possible Israeli government

propaganda.” 

 

This citation became the basis for an ethical investigation—as if we were back under the Nazi regime in the 1930s. There, too, Jewish scientists were accused of scientific misconduct simply because of their nationality. There, too, the research work of Jewish scientists was declared unprofessional.
These committee members themselves publicly announced the false ethical accusations against me on the M website, which worsened the harm even further.
The irony is that one of these committee members is the head of M’s Justice program. This is how M sees justice!
I am willing to meet with you, but you must know that, in its current structure, there is no future for me at M. I am moving now to a place that not only accepts me for who I am but also protects me from those who do not.
It is a shame that an international institute has no means to deal with antisemitism. And this shame is on you.